Brittana || Talking
Santana knew she and Brittany were due in for another serious talk about things, especially after the little blow out they had last night, which of course just ended in her sleeping in Brittany’s room without a word of apology. After all that’s how things worked between them. She would do stupid things or say something mean, Brittany would either ignore it or tell her how hurt she was, and then they’d fight and make up. It was routine and it was obviously getting very old with them. She decided that maybe a little talking wouldn’t hurt, it was the least she could do after her behavior the last week, so she headed down the hall a little nervous. Her heels clicked against the floor as she pushed back her long hair over her shoulder and made her way back to Brittany’s room after leaving early this morning.
She knocked on the door like she usually did before entering. She leaned against the wall and stared at the blonde, there was no sarcastic comment waiting to leave her lips and no glare to make Brittany feel guilty or hurt. Brittany wanted to talk about things so she was going to do that. “So is there a list of things we should talk about or?” She said with a shrug, “Because I’d also like to add who gets ownership of Oreo on that list” A small smile arose across her face. Despite the fact that she probably didn’t take care of the small cat as well as Brittany did, that didn’t mean she didn’t miss his company.
Brittany looked up from her laptop as Santana walked into the room, giving her girlfriend a smile before shutting her laptop and placing it on the nightstand beside her. It was nice that she was trying to put effort into their complicated and sort of stressful relationship, so Brittany had to give her props for that. It was sort of worrisome that this sort of thing was just normal for them, having arguments, being humiliated on the dash and so on and so forth. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t all that enjoyable in the least but it was just sort of them. Yeah Brittany would love for things to be easier, for them to be happy and in love like they once were but things right now were just… honestly Brittany didn’t really know why they weren’t.
With her back against the headboard Brittany patted the vacant spot beside her, the side of the bed that had been deemed Santana’s side many months ago and waited for her to come take a seat. “I don’t know, I wouldn’t uh exactly say a list. Just, different things that should be discussed I guess… And we are together, so ownership of Oreo is just shared between us both. If we weren’t together however, he was a gift and there for is rightfully mine.” She said with a smirk and a shrug, ready to get into some deep detailed and heated debate over Oreo if need be though she knew Santana was only joking. “But if you want to take him for a little while I won’t argue against it. After all it’s only fair that both of his mother’s take equal care of him~” With Santana next to her Brittany adjusted herself in her spot to be able to comfortably lean over and rest her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder as she tried to come up with how to word anything she wanted to say. “So… is anything wrong San? Like, I don’t know… in general? You know you can tell me anything.”
I guess it’s bedtime.
Good night Second Hope.
Tomorrow is another day.
Just cleaned my room.
Time for a shower and then… well I dunno. I’ll find something.
Brittana // All I want is here and now.
It was late and Santana was spending another night alone in her room. She hated being alone, it was the one thing she feared the most, yet she refused to walk the short distance to Brittany’s room. She had been especially cruel the last few days towards Brittany, something she didn’t really plan but somehow it happened anyways. There wasn’t any particular reason why she behaved this way, maybe for attention, maybe because she knew there wasn’t really anything Brittany would say to her about it. She was fully aware of the control she had over the blonde and it was safe to say she abused her power, but that was just who she was, or at least who she presented herself as. She was manipulative and selfish and spent most of her time insulting people instead of trying to help them or get to know them. It was easier to be this person who pretended not to care about anything or anyone, but even she knew it wasn’t healthy, especially not for her relationship.
She wasn’t like Brittany. She didn’t talk things through and she wasn’t friendly and open to everyone, in fact she was the exact opposite. She knew Brittany expected more out of her, that she at least expected her girlfriend to care a little and not be so cruel about certain things, but she never really cared much for expectations. She wanted things to be different this time around with Brittany but she just couldn’t seem to shake off her bad habits. She had managed to keep herself from lying or cheating so far, which seemed like little improvement or something expected in a relationship, but to Santana this was a milestone. The problem wasn’t being faithful, at least not in her mind, the problem was that things truly were different this time around. They weren’t the same people they were months ago.
When she heard Brittany come into her room she was a little surprised, I mean after the way they had been arguing lately she didn’t really think the blonde would show any affection towards her yet here she was laying against her stomach and holding her. She decided not to say anything about the random visit, it was better to just be thankful, even though she probably shouldn’t have been surprised in the first place since she knew how much Brittany loved her and when they fought the blonde would always be the first to apologize or the first to cave in, that didn’t seem to change.
So far so good, Santana didn’t seem to mind that Brittany had come over out of nowhere. Or at least she assumed Santana didn’t mind considering she hasn’t kicked her out yet or anything. The silence was rather welcoming; it prolonged any possible arguments or cruel words from Santana and truthfully that was the last thing Brittany wanted to deal with. Not that Brittany wanted to rely on no verbal communication in order to make their relationship work, for the time being she was just too mentally and physically exhausted to want to try to think of something to say that couldn’t end badly. Sure an ‘I love you’ is a nice safe bet that couldn’t end up with hurt feelings or anything, but it was always like playing Russian roulette with Santana when it came to those words. Most of the time she would just say ‘okay’ or ‘I know’, but there was only a small percent chance she would actually say it back. Why should Brittany always be the one to say it? She should like, boycott saying it or something… It wouldn’t last long though, she always finds herself saying it at least once every time she talks to Santana.
Taking a deep breath Brittany let herself relax against her girlfriend, enjoying the currently calm mood between the two of them. She didn’t doubt that she could easily fall asleep like this, and at the rate things were going she was pretty sure she would be dozing off in just a bit as long as Santana didn’t push her away. It wouldn’t exactly be a surprise but Brittany would still be pretty hurt. She just wanted to be around Santana, to show her that she had someone who loved her and to be loved in return. But lately they couldn’t even say a single word to each other on the dash without it turning into some strenuous argument over something dumb. Maybe jumping into things with Santana was a bad idea, but she wasn’t about to back out when she knew Santana needed her. Maybe she would never admit to it, or even act like it considering how she acts towards Brittany on a daily basis, but she knew.
(Source: sleepybrittz)
(via food-photosets)
People fight Brittany, it’s not the end of the world. I’m trying and that’s all I can really do. I know that I’ve been mean the past few days towards you and maybe a few others but change is slow and habits are hard to break, and by now you should know that you need a lot of patience if you want to be with me. I’m just really tired of having to explain myself every time your feelings are hurt, it’s exhausting and repetitive. If you don’t want to deal with me and my habits then there’s the door, you can leave any time you want.
The same goes for you Santana. If dealing with me is exhausting and repetitive then why are you still with me? I’m not going to leave you when we are just starting out over something that can be fixed. I love you too much to just give up on you like that. I’ve always believed in you, remember? I guess I’m just not exactly used to you treating me the way you are to this extent. No I’m not going to just deal with it and get used to it now because then what reason would you have to break your habits if everyone around you is just going to deal with them? You deserve to get out of here just as much as everyone else does.
It’s getting late, and I’m getting sleepy. If you want to come over you’re more than welcome to. We don’t have to talk about things, we can wait for a time when one of us isn’t about to pass out for something like that. But if not, then goodnight I guess.
